It’s about 4am pacific time, and I am awake. I had a few bad dreams last night, and when I woke up, I could not get back to sleep. Instead my mind moved towards my never ending to-do list and all my fears came up about my life. It’s been a really busy season. This quarter I began my final year of graduate school, took a leap of faith by getting a job on-campus, left my very secure full-time job, began co-chairing a cross campus group that focuses on services on veterans, started managing my own staff, and chairing my grad program’s student organization. In the midst of all this, my health is declining. My kidney function has decreased to around 13% (at my last appointment) and in an effort to stay connected to church, I somehow thought it was a good idea to volunteer to hold babies, and also sing on occasion. This is not to mention the daily issues I face in dealing with my finances and other bills. I’m a little bit busy.
In this season of hope… I am wondering where my hope is. Somewhere in this quarter I pushed everyone away that I needed to help me get through this year. And I’m feeling a lost and lonely. I am wishing, more than anything else, that someone will wake up and call me. I don’t know where to begin, I don’t know what I’ll say, and I don’t know what I expect. But I know I want to remember that I am not alone.
