Talked with a friend tonight about Lent – and what this season has been teaching her. She was talking, in brief, about how she’s given up listening to that obligatory voice in her head that tells her to do this or that.
I got to thinking about what I’ve given up – and essentially I am giving up things like overeating and having too much of a good thing, that kind of stuff – nothing major. And I wonder, about this concept of giving up something that’s not food or a passtime like TV, but rather giving up a state of mind like my friend was describing. I suppose we don’t talk about that kind of “giving up” during the lenten season because its a harder one to do – and maybe it actually takes longer than 40 days to change a habit of something like self-hatred or cynecism. Perhaps those things take longer to give up. But the actual act of reflecting upon that – and staying conscious to the idea that I, today, want to give up that cynecism seems like a good first step.
So, even as I write this, and I commit to myself that I’d like to start giving up this idea that something is wrong, I falter. I am pained at the moment with my living situation, and worried about something that shouldn’t be an issue – but is. And I wonder, how does God ask me to “lean on him” when I am freaking out? The simple Christian mantra of, “God is in control” doesn’t seem to cut it.
1 Comment
March 13, 2009 at 3:13 am
You are the shit.