dude looks like a lady- gender reflections

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking around the idea of faith and gender this last month.  Quest Church, the church where I choose to worship, has been talking a lot about gender equality, social justice in these areas, ideas about male and female relationships and its been a really interesting space to be living in. 

Yesterday and today we had a small conference with Lauren Winner on the topic of Gender and Faith.  I was introduced to Lauren’s writings from my friend Rebecca two years ago around my birthday.  Her book called Girl Meets God – gave me a really great reflection about the roots of Christianity – Judaism, and in that she talks about her conversion to Christianity.  I remember thinking how compelling and real her writing was. The book was raw and it was refreshing to hear about someone’s life in such honest terms that didn’t preach.  I loved it – and I as I thought about the Jewish traditions that she wrote about, I realized how important they were to me as well – as my faith rested on these traditions as well.  Anyway – I was excited to hear that she would come to speak.  And more excited that we would be, as a community, thinking about these issues of gender and faith prior to her talks. 

This is an exciting time in the United States. We are in the midst of the presidential election and we’ve had two women in the polls this year: Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin.  Now more than ever, issues of faith and gender in churches are coming up in light of this particular season – and many evangelicals have to deal with the fact that the party that they most associate themselves with has a female candidate for Vice President (who may eventually be president during the next four years) but still can not allow women in their own church  communities to serve and be Pastors.  It’s a confronting time – at least I know it is for me. 

Two weeks ago I had to talk about my own story – my reflections about my faith and my gender, and I was torn.  This topic, much like the topic of racism, leaves me vulnerable and naked.  Every fear, and every unturned stone in my spiritual journey can not be left unexamined in these areas, because it matters. It so effects how I perceive the world, how I understand God’s love, and how I live out my faith.  These two areas dictate much of my drive and help me understand what I am committed to.  All this to say, this is uncomfortable, but necessary – and yet I am still afraid. When I encounter politics and gender issues, I find myself at odds with my own history – my family background, and I am torn between loving the people dearest in my life, and choosing my own path.  What I have always wanted, and will probably always continue to seek is: RECONCILIATION.  I feel most passionate about this topic for me, for my community, and for the world.  Yet something stirs in me where i don’t feel like there can be harmony unless everyone lends agreement to me.  Very strange, I know. 

I was given some hope yesterday though, as Lauren spoke about the gender and the Trinity-the model of community it is for us.  That there is harmony in the Trinity – that this complex idea of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is a living example of submission – of mutual submission- that we can use in our model of community in church – between people (ie Men and Women).  There is active reconciliation between them and therefore, there can be active reconcilliation between humans.  Of course, I’m doing a very bad job at explaining her 1.5 hour long talk about this topic, but what I really want to say is – I see hope.

I’ve long held to the fact that men and women can not be friends.  Two years ago I gave the whole male friendship thing a good college try.  I was friends with someone of the male gender at church – it was great.  It was one of those friendships that was affirming and supportive, and totally platonic. Then he all about disappeared.  Poof – gone.  Not a word, not an explanation, nothing.  It hurt me deeply. He started a serious relationship and got married shortly after he disappeared, and I thought to myself, if I have to worry that my guy friends will drop me once they have a girlfriend and get married, I don’t know that I want to stick around that kind of pain of getting to know someone. To his credit, this was also in a very heavy season of loss for me, and little situation became icing on the cake called “Disappointment”.  I felt totally and utterly rejected by someone I wasn’t even dating. It was hard.  And the worst part about it: I miss him. I miss that short friendship we had.  I remember it fondly – and appreciate it for what it was.   

After this talk about the Trinity, living in a gendered community, and living life together – it was apparent to me that one day, I can maybe be friends with this man again.  And if that’s possible – maybe world peace could be possible too…

There’s so much to say about church and gender.  So many elements effect who we are as people – our relationships, most importantly, our relationship to God.  It is this HUGE umbrella that encapsulates how we can most lift each other up in community and tear each other down.  It’s big.  And in the end – it seems that it may be all about love and living life together.  Fascinating.

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Filed under God-thoughts, Relationships

Tags: Community, Faith, Gender, Trinity