Lessons I learned in English Class

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A phrase I remembered from a poem I read in high school has been coming up a lot for me these days.

Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d.

~ William Congreve, in The mourning bride, 1697:

My oldest brother John has been going through quite a bit lately with the dissolution of his marriage and his separation from his children. Last week I got a few emails from his estranged wife and her camp with PDF attachments in 2 languages blaming my brother for what Rob Lowe would say is “false terribles” against their church and their music ministry. It seems inconceivable that their decision to pull their music ministry profits from store shelves can hardly be blamed on my brother, when it was their decision. But with bullet points, she outlined allegations towards my brother thus completing her “shock and awe” offensive tactic against him. In her allegations that defamed my brother, she stated no evidence or truths about incidents that she reports, and instead invites everyone to think badly of him.

What surprises me most in this situation is that she, my brother’s soon-to-be ex-wife, is recognized by her church as a pastor to the youth of their community. As such, I’ve expected her to act in accordance to the doctrine that we believe as Christians – as disciples of Christ. I’m surprised that she’s had members of her youth group threaten my brother, and that her step-father who is also a pastor has used physical violence in this awful situation. I’m surprised that she gave birth to their 4th child and didn’t contact John or anyone in our family about it, and will not let any of us see the child. I’m surprised that the church has still allowed her to call herself pastor and reverend. I’m just surprised. But should I be?

If I’ve learned anything in AP English, I learned from William Congreve that hell has no fury like… – and from Dante what hell is like. Both have likened the hot place of the devil to a woman’s scorn and need for revenge. Just because she’s a pastor, doesn’t make her immune to the human desires – and because she’s a pastor, doesn’t make her less vindictive. I get it – she feels wronged, and this is how she wants to right that wrong. But as Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers would say on Weekend Update “Really?!” An article today on MSNBC reminded me of other women scorned and going through divorce. Basically – a woman went on YouTube to discuss her marriage – sounds kinda familiar.

John Liu, my brother whom I am very proud of, during this ENTIRE ordeal has decided to be slow to anger, speak carefully, seek God’s wisdom and pastoral counsel, and above all – act in a way that will be respectful to the mother of his children and convey to his kids in the future the kind of person they ought to be. When I am engulfed in anger at thus said scorned woman/estranged wife and her posse, he is the one that tells me to forgive. In the beginning his unwavering faith communicated to me naivete – but now I know. I see that God’s history with him, with me, with my family and that is evidence of why John is so forgiving. God has seen us through so much, and God will not forget about John Liu. God will honor his decisions- and his kids will know in the future, that their dad fights hard for them, that he loves them, that he wants them, that he is the best father for them- that God didn’t make a mistake… on either parent.

I am amazed by my brother. I am amazed by his courage, and his strength. And most of all- I am amazed that he has overcome our Chinese cultural faux pas to be truthful, honest, and forgiving. John has exuded the last chapter of Bonhoeffer’s Life Together on confession in a manner that is glorifying to the Lord, and that redeems me – and will redeem his church ministry.

I’ve struggled most of my life with church leadership – the ideals that come with being a pastor etc. As I’ve grown older, I give a lot more grace to those in church leadership because they seem to be more apt for mistakes than most people with the devil being alive and well and all. But never do I let someone of the cloth get away with having an inconsiderate faith that is not full of grace and not open to dialogue. That is the LEAST I expect of clergymen. I’m proud to have been a part of 3 churches since my adolescence that have been open to all thoughts, experiences, and conversations ranging from homosexuality, racism, global poverty, and youth impact. (Evergreen Baptist Church – Los Angeles, Montecito Covenant Church, Quest Church)

My path in my faith has been intentional and in many ways God led. I think God has really redeemed my church experiences about pastoral leadership – but this close instance has made me re-think what I want my faith to be about and who I surround myself with. I’m pleased to be a part of a church where our lead pastor Eugene Cho is publicly committed to transparency. But in addition to that – our church is open to a conversation about church ethics, which I also appreciate. There are numerous times when I’ve disagreed with my church leadership, some sunday sermons, and some ministry issues – but what I’m committed to is here. And though there is no perfect church, I think I can accept Quest for its imperfections. This community has changed me – and sometimes, that gift can take an eternity to payback to the world.

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Tags: church, divorce, leadership