embracing the struggle

I’m in the middle of many conversations about race.

There’s some S(*&t going down at Zondervan over one of their bible study guides that is pretty insensitive and racist towards AsiAms.

My friend has just left a Christian Counseling grad school where she felt completely unaccepted as a person of color, not only by her classmates, but also by the administration. (sad) <sigh>

There’s a great class at SU that I took last summer that is being re-taught this Fall by a professor who I’ve heard isn’t helping students learn about the issues presented on race.

My church is hosting  a Faith and Race conversation this month and ending with a little conference next Saturday, and i am coming to a harsh reality that it is easier to talk about race relations within our own ethnic group than it is with others present.

all that to say… there’s a lot. It is now a moot point whether it is good or bad, IT IS ONLY IMPORTANT THAT IT IS MOVEMENT. A chance at an important conversation. A time for us to be honest with each other and unravel the smelly onion. I am learning to EMBRACE THE STRUGGLE… and to give you a chance to see my heart broken so that I too can be broken by you. verstehen

 

sometimes the rain…

makes me a little dreamy. And when I listen to this song – my day is almost complete …

one of them days…

Magical Wet Hair

You know that look – when you get out of the shower, and your hair is fresh and clean? Or when you get out of the ocean and that salty wet hair molds into this amazing ‘do that won’t stop. That’s what I’m talking about! (Is this a California thing?)

I’ve been in-between hair dressers for about a year now. I had the worst hair cut for about 4 months, and got it fixed – but the fix cost me about one pair of Gap blue jeans. Now I’m letting my hair grow out again, and I’m hoping that I can get a decent trim that won’t cost me a ton of money. One problem: I have that straight, very thick “Asian” hair. It’s a pain, and if you don’t cut it right, it can be a bad situation and say bad things about yourself (similar to a mullet).

So I got thinking about what it takes to look your best – or what it communicates about you to other people. I listened to an episode of This American Life (on podcast) awhile ago, and there was a story about this couple who were in just the beginnings of their relationship (the puppy dog stage). She wore these horrendous pants that she thought made her look hot. But every time this guy would see her, he would wonder why she was wearing those ugly pants. She would plan on wearing the pants whenever she’d see him, and she even wore them on her first date.

the image of joy

what is it to have joy?

what’s it look like?

I’m on the search for what this is, and what its implications are. Ideas? Thoughts? Anyone? Bueller?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bingramos/ / CC BY 2.0

quietly

I’ve been very distracted lately. I haven’t been able to focus on one thing for too long. This quite possibly be because I am juggling too much at the same time, but more than anything I have found myself running away from things. I have been seeking out distractions so that I don’t have to think too deeply upon the recent events in my life. How ominous!

I will be resolving to write more in this blog. If anything, I’d like to just  build a discipline of reflection and of sharing and looking at the blessings in life. It’s another sleepless night in Seattle as the heat wave continues and it stays at a balmy 80 degrees in the evening. These are the summer nights when dreams are born and things that weren’t possible become a reality. So – cheers to some good dreams tonight!

Doubt

I am unsettled tonight. I came home from a long day in Vancouver to testify in my brother’s court case in regards to visitation rights of his four children, and it nearly took the life out of me. I am tired – but sleep will not come.

I think often about faith during these times. All I know to be true about God – a lover of justice, giver of peace, sustainer of my soul… come into question with this schism in our family.

I have referred to this tumultuous time on this blog and in conversations with my close friends – this turmoil that was once my brother’s to bear, is now our entire family’s.

Glee

I know I haven’t been able write much lately – mostly it’s because I’m in the depths of my own reflection and it’s hard to write when I’m in that place. I can hardly do anything other than fall into exhaustion.  I’ve been trying to distract myself by surrounding myself with funny people on twitter and watching clips of Dimitri Martin. So I thought I’d start sharing some of those small glimpses of sunshine – or as they say in Seattle, a “sunbreak”.

So here’s my first: Glee – it’s coming to Fox, who, btw, is going to dominate the fall season because NBC can’t seem to hold onto some great shows like Lipstick Jungle and Kings (small rant). Here it is – for your viewing pleasure:

GLEE! enjoy

Wordle

Lent – a time of giving up

Talked with a friend tonight about Lent – and what this season has been teaching her.  She was talking, in brief, about how she’s given up listening to that obligatory voice in her head that tells her to do this or that.