Doubt

I am unsettled tonight. I came home from a long day in Vancouver to testify in my brother’s court case in regards to visitation rights of his four children, and it nearly took the life out of me. I am tired – but sleep will not come.

I think often about faith during these times. All I know to be true about God – a lover of justice, giver of peace, sustainer of my soul… come into question with this schism in our family.

I have referred to this tumultuous time on this blog and in conversations with my close friends – this turmoil that was once my brother’s to bear, is now our entire family’s.

Glee

I know I haven’t been able write much lately – mostly it’s because I’m in the depths of my own reflection and it’s hard to write when I’m in that place. I can hardly do anything other than fall into exhaustion.  I’ve been trying to distract myself by surrounding myself with funny people on twitter and watching clips of Dimitri Martin. So I thought I’d start sharing some of those small glimpses of sunshine – or as they say in Seattle, a “sunbreak”.

So here’s my first: Glee – it’s coming to Fox, who, btw, is going to dominate the fall season because NBC can’t seem to hold onto some great shows like Lipstick Jungle and Kings (small rant). Here it is – for your viewing pleasure:

GLEE! enjoy

Wordle

Lent – a time of giving up

Talked with a friend tonight about Lent – and what this season has been teaching her.  She was talking, in brief, about how she’s given up listening to that obligatory voice in her head that tells her to do this or that.

Blogs I want to write

I have about 11 drafts that I’m working to write about, and every time I sit down to write, I find myself defeated that I can not be as brief and as succinct as I can be. So I just stop, but that’s just silly! So now I’ve resolved to write more, not as a resolution, but because I enjoy it.

Hopefully, those drafts will turn to real blog posts… soon!

Some items:

1. Family Politics
2. 3 Life Lessons about hair
3. Book-It
4. Friendships and Accountability
5. Say Something
6. Car Woes
7. Graduate School

I’ll stop there!

Happy Writing to you all!

West Wing Envy

I often start my day reading the headlines on the New York Times homepage and tonight I decided to read what’s happening at the end of the day and found a photographic slideshow of Obama’s new staff.

10,000 hours & babysitting perks

Once every couple months I get asked to one of my favorite babysitting gigs at the Mar house.  This family goes to my church and I love spending my time with them, well the parents anyway.  Most of the time when I go to their house and I never see the kids. By 7:00 p.m. they are in bed and they don’t wake up the entire time that I’m there.  I try to get as much of their kid time as possible on Sundays when i see them at church. With little kid time, I usually bring something with me to do like the book I’m currently reading or a DVD.  I usually start the evening out reading the newest kid books they picked up at the library.  I’ve read about pigs and about builders and about other animals saving the day – but this last visit, Olinda found out I love to read magazines- not just any magazines but Vanity Fair, New York Magazine or the New Yorker (all of which, they have!) She usually stores them away in their bedroom so the kids won’t tear out the pages, and last week, she brought out the motherload!  It was delightful.  

I discovered Vanity Fair at the airport on the way to Orlando for work, and consumed the whole thing in the 6 hours on the plane.  I had no idea it was so informative and thought of it only as a fashion magazine.  I learned about Bear Stearns and why they collapsed, and of course, the up and coming movies of the Fall with the up and coming young actors.  VF was the two of me perfectly blended, the shallow and the intellectually interested. I was so enamored with the latest issue of VF that I didn’t get  a chance to pick up New York Mag which had such a great article about Malcolm Gladwell and his new book Outliers. (Read the article here) In their generosity I got to take the magazine home with me and tonight – I fell back in love with Malcolm Gladwell and can’t wait to read his new book!  (The title of this blog post is an idea put forth in his new book.  If you’re interested in reading it with me, let me know!)  This line in the article, Jason Zengerle, especially excited me as I’ve started thinking more seriously about poverty and taken up reading more Shane Claiborne, “With his last book, Gladwell sought to eliminate the focus group; with this one, he wants to eradicate poverty.” So exciting!

His hair, his self deprecation, his flair for telling good stories, his wit and humor… what else can I ask for?  

For your viewing pleasure, I offer these videos… enjoy!

and this video featuring Anderson Cooper and Mr. Gladwell (two favorites in one place!)

 

dude looks like a lady- gender reflections

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking around the idea of faith and gender this last month.  Quest Church, the church where I choose to worship, has been talking a lot about gender equality, social justice in these areas, ideas about male and female relationships and its been a really interesting space to be living in. 

Yesterday and today we had a small conference with Lauren Winner on the topic of Gender and Faith.  I was introduced to Lauren’s writings from my friend Rebecca two years ago around my birthday.  Her book called Girl Meets God – gave me a really great reflection about the roots of Christianity – Judaism, and in that she talks about her conversion to Christianity.  I remember thinking how compelling and real her writing was. The book was raw and it was refreshing to hear about someone’s life in such honest terms that didn’t preach.  I loved it – and I as I thought about the Jewish traditions that she wrote about, I realized how important they were to me as well – as my faith rested on these traditions as well.  Anyway – I was excited to hear that she would come to speak.  And more excited that we would be, as a community, thinking about these issues of gender and faith prior to her talks. 

Unrequited love

Many new conversations have been stirring up in my relationships lately – and most of them due to the precarious situation I find myself in these days.  Conversations revolving around goals, future plans, trying not to be a chump, figuring out vocation, knowing my worth.  Saturday I needed to get away from Seattle – so Tina and I took the ferry to Bainbridge Island and just explored the place. The setting was the backdrop of some of the best conversations I would have this summer.  An inward conversation being brought forth to the present.  It was great following a very busy and emotional mid-summer.  

Most of July was busy with anticipation of a business conference that I was  planning in Orlando, the the sudden departure of my brother’s family from Washington to Hawaii, and a rush to finish my graduate application into a program at Seattle University.  

Visits from the Grim

These past few weeks I’ve been getting paid a few visits by the Grim Reaper.  Well, not me personally, but many people in my life have been struggling through recent deaths of their loved ones.  Grandparents, parents, friends, etc – it has been a heavy summer so far.  

As I sit with these folks, realizing their grief, I am in close close understanding of my own pain.  After I lost my father at 16 I think I just turned off mourning.  I accepted my life for what it was, and I rolled with the punches, and I think finally, seeing my friends go through their mourning, I can actually mourn for myself.